My Mental Health Update
Dear whoever may be reading this,
I have had a whirlwind year to say the least, but I think it's finally starting to calm down now. I know this may sound familiar to a post I made before but this time I believe it.
In my last post I described what happened to me up until last March, but that's obviously no longer the complete story. I naively believed I was better then as I attended school and slept and ate more, and whilst yes that shows improvement, it did not mean I was better. Do you understand? It didn't mean I was whole in myself or living, and as stupid as that may sound it took me a few more months to figure that out.
After March, I went through an almost stagnated period with my mental health, nothing seemed to improve, but nothing was better. I wasn't better. Maybe that was because I was attending school part time and focusing on a subject again, meaning I didn't have time to focus on myself. I was surprised then that the work I had put into my mental health was not enough. I didn't realise I had to work on it everyday, and maybe that's naive, but I think that's a very common misconception with mental health.
Also, my health and the way people reacted to it even when I was improving was surprising to me, I have friends who no longer speak to me because of what happened/or was said when I was ill. That hindered my progress for a long time, and it still does but I'm learning what it means to be without them now. I'm also learning to be myself, to be someone who is completely me and no one else. This is hard. It's especially hard as I have now returned to do my final year at school again with none of my friends there, and no one appears that keen on being friends with me.
But in the last few months, life has been looking hopeful again. Whilst I was off school I picked up German to try and increase my concentration span when I was low on energy, and I now have an offer to study it at a few universities - something I wasn't sure I was ever going to experience. My remaining friendships are strong because I learnt who my real friends were and I've worked on those friendships and they make me so happy. I am doing well in school, because I'm doing what's best for me as I'm part time and only taking two subjects. But most importantly, I'm happier within myself.
I think what I'm trying to say is nothing about mental health is easy. It doesn't matter what you suffer from, whether it be big or small, it's difficult and it sucks the energy out of you sometimes. Sometimes you're going to have bad days, but those bad days will make you stronger and there are going to be so many good days - but only if you put the work in. I've learnt I've got to grow within myself, and I'm trying to learn how to accept and like myself without the validation of others. Whilst that all may sound daunting, you can live again and when you do you're stronger and you learn that nothing is more important than your own happiness.
I have had a whirlwind year to say the least, but I think it's finally starting to calm down now. I know this may sound familiar to a post I made before but this time I believe it.
In my last post I described what happened to me up until last March, but that's obviously no longer the complete story. I naively believed I was better then as I attended school and slept and ate more, and whilst yes that shows improvement, it did not mean I was better. Do you understand? It didn't mean I was whole in myself or living, and as stupid as that may sound it took me a few more months to figure that out.
After March, I went through an almost stagnated period with my mental health, nothing seemed to improve, but nothing was better. I wasn't better. Maybe that was because I was attending school part time and focusing on a subject again, meaning I didn't have time to focus on myself. I was surprised then that the work I had put into my mental health was not enough. I didn't realise I had to work on it everyday, and maybe that's naive, but I think that's a very common misconception with mental health.
Also, my health and the way people reacted to it even when I was improving was surprising to me, I have friends who no longer speak to me because of what happened/or was said when I was ill. That hindered my progress for a long time, and it still does but I'm learning what it means to be without them now. I'm also learning to be myself, to be someone who is completely me and no one else. This is hard. It's especially hard as I have now returned to do my final year at school again with none of my friends there, and no one appears that keen on being friends with me.
But in the last few months, life has been looking hopeful again. Whilst I was off school I picked up German to try and increase my concentration span when I was low on energy, and I now have an offer to study it at a few universities - something I wasn't sure I was ever going to experience. My remaining friendships are strong because I learnt who my real friends were and I've worked on those friendships and they make me so happy. I am doing well in school, because I'm doing what's best for me as I'm part time and only taking two subjects. But most importantly, I'm happier within myself.
I think what I'm trying to say is nothing about mental health is easy. It doesn't matter what you suffer from, whether it be big or small, it's difficult and it sucks the energy out of you sometimes. Sometimes you're going to have bad days, but those bad days will make you stronger and there are going to be so many good days - but only if you put the work in. I've learnt I've got to grow within myself, and I'm trying to learn how to accept and like myself without the validation of others. Whilst that all may sound daunting, you can live again and when you do you're stronger and you learn that nothing is more important than your own happiness.
This is compiled list of mental health helplines by The NHS: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/mental-health-helplines.aspx
For anyone living in the USA: http://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-referral-resources/
Suicide crisis lines around The World: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines7
(credit for picture here)
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